i shall soon return

dearest friends,

with depestest regrets and apologies, i must take a short leave. i shall be attending a summit of underworld crime lords at a secretly undisclosed location. although i myself have no interest in criminal activity whatsoever, my attendance is explained threefold.

1. strategy: i will be among the worlds seediest players, learning firsthand from the masters of regionally specific manipulation and oppression.

2. recruitment: i shall persuade only the most worthy non-threatening crimelords to join me in my righteous cause to bring the global paper industry to its knees--unless my immediate demand to add bacon flavoring to all further products is met.

3. leisure: your humble international puppy of leisure and leisure time activities plans to kick up his dewclaws and paint the town red. figuratively speaking, of course, as i have no actual reference as to what red is as canis mammals eyes are equipped only with shades of black, white and grey. additionally, ive never been to des plaines, illinois before. blast. i should not have mentioned that. hang it all, who really cares for secrets anyway. plus, the federal defense network will undoubtedly already have their hands full already this weekend while monitoring the some odd 20,000 shriners conventioning in baltimore. those shriners. such a raucous sort. who knew all those middle aged men in tiny automobiles would be capable enough to throw a soire as decadent as last years fezzes and lezzes shriners ball. their past indiscretions will serve our summits cause well, indeed.

i shall soon return after debriefing my newly converted henchmen. until then i will leave you in the capable, well, mammalian paws of my slightly retarded half brother pommes frites.

adieu mes amis. je retournerai bientôt.